Hull 1 - 5 Tottenham Hotspurs

Philip Larkin! David Whitfield! John Prescott! Maureen Lipman! Andrew Marvell! Can you hear me, Andy Marvell! Your boys took one hell of a beating! Your boys took one hell of a beating!

Defoe (10, 45, 90+4)

Palacios (14)

Keane (78)

(I know almost no one likely to read this will appreciate it, but just couldn't help myself....)

L'Etang des Soeurs Osny

Visiting the Coutauld Gallery over the weekend (a couple of weekends ago now - this should have gone up before) I 'got' Cezanne, or felt like I did, for the first time. Cezanne, for me, has always had an aura about him as the philosopher's artist (specifically, Merleau-Ponty's). As a philosophy undergraduate who knew only this, but couldn't get any visceral purchase on his work, even after reading Merleau-Ponty's essay 'Cezanne's Doubt', I always felt intimidated by it, and this probably obscured it from me even further. The short, grouped, sloping brush strokes in a lot of the paintings didn't cohere, yet at the same time were too solid, not gesticulatory enough to leave the eye free to impart movement to the images, as paintings by other impressionists and post-impressionists did. I was so frustrated by my sense of wholly missing something, and something important, that I nearly chose to write my undergraduate thesis on M-P and Cezanne, in order to get at what it was I wasn't getting. Walking into the second room of the Courtauld, though, not yet really properly tuned in to looking at pictures, this one grabbed hold of me before I'd had a chance to think about it.

The painting shows a view of a footpath running along the banks of a wooded pond, and was painted while Cezanne was visiting Pissarro in Osny. This reproduction inevitably doesn't do the painting justice, but what is especially muddied is the deep glittering clarity of the water, and the weight of the shadows in the foreground, which give the painting much more of a layered property than is clear here. The depth - as I wandered into the room, I dropped into the painting's planes, and didn't want to clamber out. Now I shall have to go back and read Merleau-Ponty again. I know that probably nothing I've written here suggests that I've 'got' Cezanne at all: it would be better to say that a Cezanne got me.

The Courtauld is my favourite gallery in London, despite its being next door to King's. Samuel Courtauld played a vital role in the reception of Cezanne in Britain. Cezanne was controversial in England in the 1920s. In May 1922 the Burlington Fine Arts Club mounted an exhibition, 'The French School of the Last Hundred Years', which brought about a significant change in attitudes towards the post-impressionists, and Cezanne in particular. It was here, apparently, that Courtauld was 'converted' to Cezanne's art, describing how 'at that moment I felt the magic, and I have felt it in Cezanne's work ever since'. It was uncanny reading of Courtauld's conversion just after experiencing my own. Another modernist encounter (Courtauld's, not mine), perhaps not quite up there with Eliot's poking at people with his umbrella during the premier of Stravinsky's Sacre du Printemps, but still telling.

Much much more to be said on this, and much better, but as ever, the thesis calls.

The Man Without a Thesis

"And yet, when he got home full of impressions and plans, ripe and new as perhaps never before, a demoralizing change took place in him. Merely putting [...] a sheet of paper on the table was the sign of a terrible flight from his heart. His head remained clear, and the plan inside it hovered as if in a very transparent and distinct atmosphere; indeed, the plan split and became two or more plans, all ready to compete for supremacy - but the connection between his head and the first movements needed to carry it out seemed severed. Walter could not even make up his mind to lift a finger. He simply did not get up from where he happened to be sitting, and his thoughts slid away from the task he had set himself like snow evaporating as it falls. He didn't know where the time went, but all of a sudden it was evening, and since after several such experiences he had learned to stop dreading them on his way home, whole series of weeks began to skip, and passed away like a troubled half-sleep.

Slowed down by a sense of hopelessness in all his decisions and

movements, he suffered from bitter sadness, and his incapacity solidified into a pain that often sat like a nosebleed behind his forehead the moment he tried to make up his mind to do something. Walter was fearful, and the symptoms he recognized in himself not only hampered him in his work but also filled him with anxiety, for they were apparently so far beyond his control that they often gave him the impression of an incipient mental breakdown."

Robert Musil, The Man Without Qualities

Mapping the thesis

The storms continue... sporadic torrential rain in Edinburgh, with dirty brown rivers flowing down the New Town streets and riding up onto the pavements every time they meet the wheel of a parked car. No time to blog today - thesis calls. So here's a wordshot of said thesis to date (sorry for the size of the image, I don't seem to be able to make it any bigger):

No great surprises, I think, except perhaps Cambridge, which must be in there because I included the bibliography. Maybe I need to use more synonyms for 'however', 'might' and 'also', and I certainly use 'rather' rather too much.

No work, poems, and St Pancras

A day of very little satisfactory work. Changeable weather - from not-quite-raining to raining to pouring to drizzling to showers to about-to-rain, while all the while really wanting to storm - has left me feeling restless. I have, however, had my hair cut and bought some second-hand books: an old English-Italian dictionary (I've needed a replacement for my Collins for ages); The New Poetry, A. Alvarez's 1962 anthology; The Best of Betjeman, an anthology of his poetry and prose edited by John Guest; and Penguin Modern Poets 8, which anthologizes Edwin Brock (of whom I know nothing), Geoffrey Hill and Stevie Smith. I like the fact that the Penguin gives absolutely no biographical details about the poets whatsoever, just their poems. Opening it more or less at random, these lines, from Brock's 'Turn the Key Deftly' found me:

Side by side under kind covers we try

to push the heavy years away, resurrecting

for a moment an afternoon beside a pond.

Yet, sophisticated, prefer to joke,

allowing sleep to do our dreaming for us.

I suppose the obvious parallel is with Larkin. As with Larkin, Brock's documenting of a refusal to dream shows the dreaming going on regardless. The melancholy doesn't quite overcome the sense of possibility, which, of course, remaining unrealized, itself intensifies that melancholy.

I enjoyed Betjeman's strange, small poem 'Dorset', too, perhaps largely for the incantatory repetition of familiar place names:

Lord's Day bells from Bingham's Melcombe, Iwerne Minster, Shroton, Plush,

Down the grass between the beeches, mellow in the evening hush.

Gloved hands that hold the hymn-bok, which this morning milked the cow -

While Tranter Reuben, Mary Borden, Brian Howard and Harold Acton lie in

Mellstock Churchyard now.

Elsewhere it's "T.S. Eliot, H.G. Wells and Edith Sitwell" who are in the churchyard. A note at the end of the poem reads: "The names on the last lines of these stanzas are put in not out of malice or satire but merely for their euphony". Hmmm.

Betjeman's essay on St Pancras is also included. It describes the clearing of the very large and very crowded burial ground of old St Pancras in order that the Midland Railway's line might come into London. When the work started, Betjeman tells us, 'skulls and bones were seen lying about; a passer-by saw an open coffin staved in through which peeped a bright tress of hair'. The scandal forced the company to arrange for reverent reburial. The architect in charge sent one of his assistants, one Thomas Hardy, to supervise the carrying away of the dead. Hardy never forgot the event, and wrote 'The Levelled Churchyard' and 'In the Cemetery' out of the experience:

O Passenger, pray list and catch

Our sighs and piteous groans,

Half stifled in this jumbled patch

Of wrenched memorial stones!

We late-lamented, resting here,

Are mixed to human jam,

And each to each exclaims in fear,

"I know not which I am!"

I'll remember that "human jam", and hear it, the next time I'm pulling in to London.

St Pancras now - or at least the last time I saw it - is in the process of being transformed into a luxury hotel and penthouse flats that are selling for several millions each. Writing of the original building of the hotel, Betjeman observes that 'It could be a fine hotel again'. I wonder if it will be. At the close of his essay, Betjeman laments how 'the now old-fashioned with-itry of the fifties, which has given us the slabs and cubes of high finance, and ruined most of London, has made St Pancras all the more important to us for the relief it brings'. Looking at it in its spruced-up state will perhaps still bring relief, but that relief will be tempered by the knowledge that I am unlikely to ever be able to afford to explore it again.

When I was living in London in the late nineties, I went to a kind of art and design fair held inside the old hotel building - I can't remember who organized it, but it was probably Masters students from the RCA. This must have been around the same time the Spice Girls

made a video there. I remember exploring its grandiose but beautifully proportioned staircase and exploring dusty corners, rooms that gave off rooms with trailing cables, peeling murals and old-fashioned light switches. It was a glimpse into what St Pancras might have become - a space anyone could freely enter, part of London's - and Londoners' - patrimony. Visiting Tacheles, the squat in Berlin, reminded me of that trip to St Pancras - how great it might have been if the hotel had become London's version of the Berlin squats. Given that I was, technically, squatting at the time (in Vauxhall), perhaps I should have tried it.

Betjeman's essay closes with something a former Station Master said to him: it is a magnificent building, yes, and he was fond of it; and 'moreover it works'. Hopefully that's true of the station in its new guise, too. It's only a shame it isn't also true of the trains.

The storm that has been brewing all day has just broken. Dayadhvam!

Academic Nodding

You know what I mean. Just don't. Please. I suppose the academic nod by the senior professor to encourage the postgrad giving their first paper can just about be understood, but it's patronizing as hell.

But maybe I'm wrong to get so wound up about academic conference nodding. According to some research, nodding is about 'self-validation'. Says Prof.Richard Petty, “If we are nodding our heads up and down, we gain confidence in what we are thinking. But when we shake our heads from side to side, we lose confidence in our own thoughts...nodding your head up and down is, in effect, telling yourself that you have confidence in your own thoughts – whether those thoughts are positive or negative.” So are all the academic nodders trying to persuade themselves that they do indeed think what they think they're thinking? Are the worst academic nodders those least sure of their own ideas, or most afraid of not being sure about their ideas? Are they not, actually, expressing their agreement with the speaker, or, as they often seem to be doing, signalling to everyone that, of course, they already know everything the speaker is saying, and rather better than the speaker evidently does him/herself?

So, maybe the nodding serves a purpose. It still makes me want to strangle people, though.

Something old....

1

Pupils of black milk, whites tinged with the blue blur one finds on white bread as it turns. In this city of cavernous, volcanic, knife-snapping loaves one can live off for a fortnight, Paul somehow always manages to find a pair of fragile sweet stomach-white batons. He and Sarah eat them with anemic saltless butter and apricot jam in the mornings. By the evening what remains has begun to separate into a hoarse crust and a milky pap. After a hot night left out on the kitchen table a weak indigo fuzz spreads over the pappy bits. Every few weeks, when we decide to clean, one of us invariably finds under the piles of newspapers, flyers and burnt-out candles a rotting end wrapped up in brown paper. I’ve never asked Paul where he buys his bread. I prefer the hunks of pane cafone hacked off for me with a two-foot-long knife at the store at the end of the vicolo, or the warm crusty triangles the lean man with a son in Spain pulls out from the passenger’s seat of his van for me on Sunday mornings. The latter taste of wet dog, but I don’t mind. At least they taste of something. In a city of so many elementary culinary splendours, the bread here baffles.

2

A head of fire waiting to break out. You please me much, I can’t be with you. It is better that we don’t see each other. How can I make you understand that it is better for us not to see each other? You must cancel my number. You must not call me, you must send me no more messages. I have been with him for two months. I think I may be coming to love him. I don’t want to think of you when I am making love to him. If you won’t cancel my number, I will buy a new card for my telephone, I will change my number. I will go now and buy it. Please do this for me, for my sake. It is only your fixation, I am only a fixation for you. I am a pessimal fiancée. I am pigheaded, you are pigheaded, it would be impossible. I will not see you. I have decided, I’ve decided already. I’m capricious. That she retracted when I pressed her for examples, that old trick young men soon learn from women. I asked her what she wanted, not from me, not from him. To be loved. Without guile, and looking at me. I could see the rim of violet where her contact lens overlapped the iris.

 

3

Paul and I stand on opposite sides of the toilet bowl, each drinking and pissing at the same time. A philosophical experiment, one hand tilting back the bottle, the other pulling back on the foreskin slightly to avoid splashing. Paul got the idea from some book in America. Our bathroom’s long and brown as the era in which it was installed, the huge bulbous brown bidet doesn’t work, the big blue plastic tub that once held cement mix, left behind by the builder-plumber, still stands in it. The smudged ash of his cigarette is still there on the bidet rim. Still pissing a saltire, two crossing streams that don’t touch, both watery, mine slightly the yellower. Somewhere in the palazzo there is music, a sentimental falsetto Neapolitan wail which calls us back to the nearer music left on in the hall, something Yiddish. The cockroaches that inhabited the bathroom a few months ago when we moved in have been replaced by tiny ants that seem rather purposeless for their species. We  christened each cockroach “Caravaggio,” a mishearing of the Italian that fitted their gleaming black carapaces and made alluding to their presence in the company of delicate sensibilities much easier.

 

4

Sarah has gone back to Paris for a week, and suddenly Paul has exploded into life. He spent yesterday befriending the vicolo, and I am invited along with him to visit the mosque with Mohamud. Mohamud lives halfway down the vicolo with five other Algerian men in a one-room basso. We go to call on him in the morning, his is the first door after the little shrine to the virgin encrusted with seashells and photographs of dead relatives.  Paul eases open one of the grubby white plastic slats over the window and calls for Mohamud. An indistinct murmur, as of woken sleepers, comes from inside. After a few minutes two men appear in loose crumpled clothes and sandals. We greet them, Paul introduces me, we all exchange warm pleasantries in French, Neapolitan and Italian, and they head off, shambling down to Forcella. After a little longer Mohamud emerges, linking. More introductions, and we set off. Mostly he speaks in French to Paul, but also a free-running burble of Italian and Neapolitan, French and English with me. He explains that there are two mosques in Naples, the one we are going to near Piazza del Mercato, and another near the main railway terminus in Piazza Garibaldi. Paul has already told me of the obsession of one of the other Algerians with Jaques Cousteau, who discovered a part of the ocean where salt- and freshwater meet but do not mix. On learning that the Koran spoke of this, Mohamud now tells me, Cousteau was converted to Islam. I had no idea that Cousteau was Muslim.

 5

From afar I caught the flare of her hair, moving past Garibaldi, blue bag as ever on her lowslung hip convincing me it was her. Garibaldi indifferent, moustaches heavy over the heavy moustaches of the Albanians and Algerians sprawled in vacant anticipation on his monumental pedestal. I moved after, knowing already where she was going, timing my arrival between the trams and buses, and caught her before her blue pullman. Her eyes and mouth showed simple gladness, and I wanted a more tortured fear at my presence. 

 

well, it won me £60 when I needed it....